Return to Transexual: The Thrilling Conclusion
by COLUMBIAGROUPIE
Summary: Well, things aren't quite like Riff-Raff and Magenta had expected back home...


{Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine and I wish they were and Blahdy Blah. If I seem to have copied any dialouge from the film, then I probably did and I apologize to Richard O'Brien. And now, on to the conclusion of "Return to Transexual."}  
  
"Columbia. Columbia, wake up. We have arrived on the planet of Transexual."  
  
"HuhWha?"  
  
Columbia sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She had fallen asleep in the laboratory tank and now Riff-Raff was shaking her awake.  
  
"Magenter has gone to file our report with the Triumvirate of Transylvanian High and Mighty Big Guys. She will tell them that Frank-n-Furter attempted to stay on Earth and that he hadn't completed his mission in time. His time was up the day after we executed him."  
  
"Whoa, where did Magenta go again? The Tri-whosa-what?"  
  
"The Triumvirate of Transylvanian High and Mighty Big Guys. They are a group of three natives of Transexual who govern the whole galaxy of Transylvania."  
  
Just then, Magenta ran into the room.  
  
"Brother, I have terrible news. The Triumvirate has been overthrown!!!! Ve are now considered enemies of the state and Frank-n-Furter is a hero!! Zhere is an angry mob outside of zhe house demanding zhat ve turn over his body so zhat zhey may enshrine it in a special  
monument. Also, zhey vish to burn us alive, but zhat is a small matter when compared to zhe fact zhat Frank is considered a hero!!!!"  
  
Riff-Raff did a double take and started to run around the lab, screeching like a little girl. Columbia climbed out of the tank and thought the situation over. Maybe she should have continued to play dead. At least then Riff-Raff and Magenta would have thrown her out of the  
airlock like they did with Frankie, Rocky, and Eddie. Finally, she realized that it was up to her to save all of their butts.  
  
"I'm goin' down there to try an' talk some sense inta' those people. Surely they'll listen to an attractive young woman like me."  
  
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Three hours later, in the swamps of Transexual...  
  
"Well, Columbia, what do you suggest now?"  
  
"Hey, how was I supposed to know that my accent and occasionally improper grammer was gonna offend them? If ya' ask me, these revolutionaries of yours are really just stuck up. And those clothes..."  
  
"Vhat is zhe matter vith zhe clothes, eh? My brother and I grew up wearing clothes like zhat. I have a good mind to be offended by you as vell."  
  
"Cool it, Magenta, I think someone's coming {Insert clever remark here}."  
  
Sure enough, a young soldier, who was formerly in the Army of Transexual, walked by in his new revolutionary uniform which included a long silk kimono and a red scarf.  
  
"Come out, you enemas of the people!!!! I can hear you breathing!!!! I will find you and I WILL be hailed as an even better hero than Frank-n-Furter!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
"Magenter, did that boy just call me an enema? LET ME AT HIM!!!!"  
  
"Riff-Raff, come back!! I have no desire to be burned alive. Oh vell, let's run for it, Columbia!! Vell? Shift it!!!!"   
  
"Awright awready, I'm comin' {Insert second clever remark here}!!"  
  
"Girls, wait for me!!!! Help!!!!"  
  
With that, Riff-Raff took off after Magenta and Columbia as they raced back towards the house. Columbia mumbled her new mantra all the way.  
  
"We shoulda' stayed on Earth, we shoulda' stayed on Earth..."  
  
"Shut up and conserve your breath and energy for running!"  
  
Just as the young soldier raised his antimatter gun to fire, they dashed throught the door of the house and into the laboratory to prepare the transit beam to set a course back to Earth.  
  
So someday, If you're ever driving down a small deserted road in the heartland of America and you happen to pass a castle resembling Frank's, why not drop in and say "Hi"?  



End file.
